Teaching Boundaries

Dear Lily,

I’m in my Senior year at highschool, and ever since the beginning of the year, I had been daydreaming about our new math teacher in class. Everytime I see him, I always imagine things that are probably unhealthy, but I really do like him a lot. He’s young and super good looking and has an amazing sense of direction and humour. Is that bad? What should I do exactly?

Hopelessly-crushing

Hey Hopelessly-crushing!

First, let me tell you that what you are feeling is 100% normal. They always say that it’s because of hormones in your body acting up, and that’s mostly true. But there are more aspects to the situation then just hormones.

Like you mentioned, he is young, which probably spurred up the entire liking in the first place. And he’s good looking, well, that’s a bonus. The way he acts also has a huge impact on your feelings towards him. So that too has it’s direction.

No, it isn’t bad to like a teacher, not necessarily. It can have both good and bad impacts on your performance and reputation at school though. So, here, let’s look it over.

The Good thing about liking a teacher is that you will work hard in their class because you always feel the need to either impress them, or keep a good image in their eyes. Let’s use the math example, for the sake of this advice. If you’re good in math, you will try to do extra things to make you great, by asking for more, or completing assignments before they are due, and making sure you got every single one of the answers spotlessly correct. If you aren’t that great at math, you will ask for help and make sure that you improve quickly. The improvement might give the teacher a sense of accomplishment, is which case he, or she, will be proud they got to help you improve, or that they will be proud you got better, period. Those are all well and good, because you’re keeping up your grades and at the same time, giving a good impression.

Yet, there are the ‘not so good’ things about liking your teacher. As Hopelessly-crushing said, you daydream and think about things that could get you in big trouble. Now, all girls and boys get those thoughts once in their highschool experiences, but it’s how you deal with them.  For one, thinking of the teacher too much can lead to you actually wanting those things to happen. Before I go further, let me just say, it is Illegal,  for a teacher and student to have a relationship, especially concerning highschool students. It goes against several laws, and although it may not seem like it, it will count as paedophilia, rape, (seeing as the student is a minor, even if they consent) and will cost the teachers job, and possibly land them a while in jail. As for the student, they could get expelled and it will permanently go on their record. Continuing, you will want to spend a lot of time with this teacher, and only focus on their class, leading to your possible failure in other classes and or giving out the wrong impression. When you always want to see that teacher, always want to be next to them, the teacher could get a little freaked out, so watch for that.

Some ways to help, simply watch out for how much you feel the need to be next to them. If you must, even try distancing yourself for a while.Go to class, yes, but don’t spend access time with that teacher, more then needed. If your thoughts go out of hand, take a breath, and do something with friends or anything to get your mind off of them.

All this can go both ways, from a student liking a teacher, and a teacher liking a student. Believe it or not, it’s a two way streak.

On another note, some teacher and student do have relationships, but in secret. I am not allowed to reveal anything about the person, but I have gotten a question or a request for advice on that exact topic. So, if you would like to see how it adds up, being in a relationship with either a teacher or a student, keep in touch for the next advice poll, where I will be talking about just that.

And to Hopelessly-crushing, you said it’s your senior year, which means you graduate. That said, if you want, after that, to go for him, it’s totally legal. Just make sure the guy isn’t married or in a relationship, because then that would be another issue. 😉 good luck.

Lily

Something to add quickly, if you see a student constantly with a particular teacher, do not assume they have anything. From experience, with my life and my own ELA teacher, I always stuck by him because I needed help in my own personal life, and he was the adult I decided to confide in until I graduated. He was also the one who gave me the idea to start this advice blog in the first place. So, because a student is always around one teacher, it does not mean they like them, or that there is a relationship going on. It could simply mean that they are confiding in that one teacher.

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