Too Complicated for It’s Complicated

Dear Lily, 

Me and my  student are in a relationship at the moment. I love her very much and I treat her right. But so many times, my wife calls in to ‘check up’ on me and I see the sadness in my beautiful girl’s eyes. I wish I could have met her before getting married and having kids, because then, I could actually be with this girl. Then again, I can’t just leave my wife because that would raise suspicion and I love my job as a highschool teacher and I love this girl with all my heart. I’m a little lost at the moment and I was hoping you could give me some advice. 

With Love,
EnLo

Dear EnLo,

Oh, how I always dread hearing stories like these. I’m all in for the whole ‘Forbidden Love’ theme in books and plays and movies, but when it comes to breaking the law… it can be cute sometimes. What’s not cute is the fact that you are most likely to exactly cheating on your wife, which isn’t very cool.

Honestly, I’m one of those hopeless romantics that believes you can’t decide who you love, yet again I am someone who believes in deciding what’s right and what’s wrong. So here are a few tips.

First, figure out why you are even attracted or ‘in love’ with this student. Are there problems with your wife going on at home? With your mother? Parents? Think about what made you feel like you wanted something with her.

Secondly, why is your student agreeing to being in a relationship with you? Is it for marks or is it because she genuinely likes it? You said she gets upset when your wife calls, and that could mean that she genuinely does have mutual feelings. Also consider, this might be a way of you leading her on. It’s no fun for any girl when the person she is attracted to has another girl, while showing her love. Seriously man, not fun.

Now, ask yourself, do you want to put your wife through that? Do you not love her? Why is it that you are completely okay with going behind her back, but not directly just divorcing her?

Now once again, ask yourself, is this right? Clearly you are going against several moral laws, such has under aged relationships (and if you have been involved in sexual interactions, yes, that counts as paedophilia if she is under the age of 18), dating a student IS in fact illegal, (in NEW YORK) it is, and depending on where you live in the world, yes it may vary, but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal everywhere). So keep in mind, if this relationship IS discovered, you will be spending some time in jail, as well as your student.

Without further due, let’s put it this way, see why you love her, and her intentions in loving you back. Realize it’s a risk, and make sure it is a risk you are BOTH willing to take. If any of this, at any time comes into your mind and you have a feeling you should end it… chances are that’s your concious warning you.

Hope this helps,

Lily

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